You Are Always in Integrity With Something.

I entered into a conversation this week with a brilliant fellow coach to explore money and the law of attraction. And I exited it with a profound sense of forgiveness and compassion for another.

And, like is so often the case when in dialogue like this, the message I needed to hear (that I didn’t know I needed to hear), seemed to come out of no-where.

You see, that very morning I had seen a post on social media about integrity and leadership. It took me back to my Human Resources days when we used to look at organisational integrity and how the “say/do gap” was damaging to staff retention, engagement and productivity levels.

And I am a champion for integrity! It’s something I place a high value on. I think it helps build trust, reliability and it makes you feel good when you see yourself as someone who delivers what they say they will. I know people can count on me because I am a woman of my word. I know I can count on me because I am a woman of my word. The pain in the ass part of that is that it can really stop me in my tracks from making a commitment to something because I will only say yes if I am fully prepared to see it through. – but that’s a talking point for another day.

I think there is a danger to living out of integrity – it damages relationships, it destroys trust, it costs you credibility, you can develop a reputation for being someone who’s word is weak. And it creates a way of seeing yourself that doesn’t serve.

I mean who wants to know they are the boy that cries wolf? Who wants the shame and guilt that can follow us around when we say we’re going to do something and then we don’t do it over and over again? Why would we want to create ourselves to ourselves that way?

So when these words were spoken into the conversation “Coaches keep talking about how we have to be in integrity, but really we don’t need to worry about that because we are always in integrity.” I was like….. erm….. WHAT???!!!!! Tell me more about that please!!!

How on earth can we be in integrity, if we say one thing but do another?

My fellow coach explained… we’re always in integrity with something. We are either acting in integrity with our true Self or we’re acting in integrity with our beliefs about ourselves.

MIC DROP MOMENT!

You see, for the last year I have been on a deep inquiry into forgiveness. At the back end of last year I was on the receiving end of some undesirable behaviours. I truly don’t remember a time in my adult life where I had experienced this much intense hurt, pain, rage and anger. I remember my body experiencing these moments where it would just start to shake violently, and episodes where the tears would not stop streaming for hours.

And there was this sheer sense of panic that filled my stomach and chest. I remember describing it to my reiki instructor like there was a wolf at my door and it was ready to take everything I had built, a feeling of complete injustice, and a feeling of complete powerlessness, a feeling of being totally unsafe. And I just kept feeling this intense need for protection. I think that is as close to hate as I have ever felt for another.  

And that is not who I am. So in service of my life, I went on an exploration into forgiveness like never before.

I have done a lot of healing over the past year. I worked with my coaches and mentors on releasing the pain, the judgements, the emotion. I wrote, I read, I felt, I now even have my level 2 reiki certificate as a result! And I have healed my way to a place where I am free.

Yet there was still this little pang that crept in for me around integrity (or perceived lack of it). How can you talk about a way of being, but behave in the exact opposite way to what you are teaching. That was something that my intellect just couldn’t seem to drop.

And in this moment, in the conversation with my fellow coach, I saw it so clearly… This person was in integrity. They were in integrity with the thinking and believing they were experiencing about themselves.

You see, if your belief system, conscious or subconscious, is programmed to tell you that you are not enough, then of course you would act in integrity with your smallness. Of course you would act to sabotage success. Of course you would commit to something greater and not follow through. Your behaviours are in integrity with your thinking and believing about yourself. And you might not even be aware that it is going on.

That right there was the gateway to accessing an even deeper level of compassion and forgiveness. I didn’t even know that level existed! I truly thought I was free, and yet now I realise I am even freer!

This morning I even had the thought come to me “wow… I am so grateful”. GRATEFUL to this person. For sharing their life with me momentarily. For gifting me the experience that has allowed me to see how deep our capacity to feel is. For this experience has guided me to realising the level of love and compassion that can be felt. That I am capable of feeling. To go from feeling hatred towards another’s behaviour, to praying for mankind. To realising the deepest sense of compassion and understanding and freedom. What a gamechanger this is for me when it comes to all my relationships! There is a new level of relaxation occurring within. It is so hard to put this in words. In the describing of it, in the reading of it I sense the greatness of this is lost.

So as with everything, I urge you not to take my word for it, but to test it out for yourself.

Might this understanding on integrity help transform a relationship in your life?

Is there a wild and beautiful journey of forgiveness awaiting you?

I encourage you to set yourself free.

With love,

Lisa x