“Over-thinkers” - listen up!

I was coaching someone who self-identified as an “over-thinker” and he wanted his anxious thinking to stop.

In the session, we were exploring the nature of thought. I was asking him to observe his thoughts; not the content, but the nature. Where they came from, where they went. To see that they come and go all by themselves. And I offered up the notion that “having” thought is not actually a problem at all.

I suggested that it can actually be quite wonderful to tap into the creative potential of the mind, and that without thought, there would be no ideas, no dreams, no visions, no creativity, no phone, car, internet! :-) A life without thought would be a meaningless life.

Yet often we don’t look at it that way, we experience being an over-thinker as a problem, as something negative, and to be fixed. If only we could get our thoughts to stop. “Yes Lisa”, he said, “but how do I just keep the good thoughts and let go of these stressful worrisome ones?!”

So I invited him deeper into the inquiry, to see what happens when we don’t tell ourselves we need those thoughts to be gone. To allow the thought and the accompanying feeling to be there. To not judge the thought or feeling as good or bad, and instead to create a new relationship with it. To relax into it. To be with it. You’ve probably heard the expression; What we resist, persists. Yet we do! We resist the thought and that puts attention on it and invites in more thoughts. Before we know it we are lost in a thought storm.

Notice what happens when you stop judging and resisting.
Try it for yourself.

What I notice in human behaviour, is that the more intense the feeling we have, (usually what we judge as negative/unwanted feelings) the more we tend to get interested in the content of our thinking in those moments. We don’t know that is what we are doing. We just get super interested in the feeling and the story our thoughts are sharing with us that are creating the feeling. We don’t stop to question it, we just automatically believe it.

But what if that’s not the best time to be taking our thinking so seriously? What if that is completely back to front?

Have you ever noticed how many thoughts you don’t get interested in - where do they go?

I’ll tell you, they just float on by because you’re not getting in their way!

Ever wandered into a room and then totally forgotten why you went in there? Where did that thought go?

Ever thought oooh, I fancy a cup of tea, and then 5 hours later realise you never made one and had forgotten all about it? Where did that thought go?

Did you have to do anything to get rid of the thought or did it just move on all by itself because you didn’t put your focus on it? The stressful thoughts are the same in nature as the cup of tea thoughts. You just have to stop giving them so much attention and let them move on by!

Let’s use an analogy…

Imagine being the passenger in a car. Everything is great, you’re having a great conversation with your friend and then BOOM…. Someone cuts in front of you, now the lights have turned red, and your driver friend is mad! They’re shouting at the lights, shouting at the driver who cut in front.
Do you think now would be the best time to ask him for advice on your relationship? Or for some business investment advice? I don’t think so! See in that moment, he is experiencing thought about the other car driver and believing it to be true. His judgement is clouded and his behaviour has been impacted as a result. He is now experiencing some lower grade thinking. Nothing wrong with having it, but we don’t want to be following his advice whilst he is attached to it! I’m going to wait until he has come back to a clearer state of mind before I take any advice from him!

Yet this is what we do. We have these low grade thoughts and we get involved with them. We take their advice. Having the thought is fine, but thinking that “the more intense the feeling = the more I should believe them” is a flawed understanding.

I left my client with this… ”if the only thing you take from this conversation is to see that having thought is not a problem, that alone can change your world”

Ponder on it for yourself, and ask… where do your thoughts knowingly (or unknowingly) hinder your path to creating what you want? Our thoughts can create limitation, challenge and dread OR we can use our mind for us. To tap into that innate wonderful capacity we have for imagination and creativity, ideas, solutions, inspired actions, meaningful work.

Art work not for sale I’ve called this one “Thought Storm on the back of an envelope”