Are You Arguing For Your Limiting Self-talk Or Are You Championing Your True Self?
Oh boy is it easy to get caught up in limiting self-talk! It seems like a favourite hobby for us humans! We can become so entrenched in our limiting beliefs and ideas about ourselves that we forget that they might not be accurate. We may automatically argue for these beliefs, thinking that they're part of our true selves, when perhaps they're just a product of our conditioning.
Before we know it we are lost in our feelings of anxiousness, doubt, guilt, stress, embarrassment. And often the stronger the feelings, the more we tend to believe them, and the more we want to get away from them, leading to a behavioural cycle of withdrawal, procrastination, hiding, defensiveness, playing small etc that can appear hard to break.
So it's important to remember that our feelings are not always based on reality, and limiting self-talk, along with the feelings they produce in our bodies can be particularly misleading.
“Great, well that’s nice to know I hear you say… Now what the F am I supposed to DO about it?!”
Well… curiosity is one way! Along with a willingness to really see something different.
Instead of reacting to these feelings, it can be helpful to approach them with loving curiosity and compassion. This allows us to explore what beliefs or thoughts might be generating the feeling, and to examine them from a place of reassurance, kindness and an open mind.
“What a load of wishy washy BS, how EXACTLY are you meant to “examine from a place of reassurance”?”
Great question… Firstly, notice that you want to react, and then meet the feeling with kindness. Don’t wish it away, just let it be there. Notice the thought behind the feeling, and greet it in your mind gently and with respect. This isn’t a process of ignoring, shutting down, pretending, or forcing a different thought. It is an allowing of something to be present, and then a willingness to listen to it and meet it with reassurance. I’ll give you an example;
I am fresh from a coaching conversation with a beautiful soul. A soul who has an awkward thought residing in her mind about “who am I to do this?” I guided them to what I am sharing with you here...
Well if I had that thought, I’d get fascinated and interested in who I might be. I’d just answer the question as though it was a really interesting question that was being asked… Oooh…Who am I to do this? Well let me see…
I’m a deep listener, someone who genuinely loves to be with another person and have them feel heard, have them feel special, have them know their voice matters.
I’m an empath and compassionate spirit, who is gifted at seeing someone’s strengths and helping them see them too.
I’m an ambassador and a champion for diversity, I’m wildly passionate about supporting indigenous communities to thrive.
I’m a natural at finding out about people, I love to learn about someone, to draw out of them who they are and to hold that up so they can see it too.
I’m 100% invested and committed to my own growth work.
I’m loving, caring, patient, nurturing, and I never give up on people.
I practice what I teach, I am constantly playing at the edges of my comfort zone so I know exactly what it feels like!
That’s who I am to do this. :-)
See how we’re not dismissing the thought or trying to convince it of anything. We’re reassuring it that we’re paying attention and giving it some airtime, and then we’re just following the question it has raised for us. This is how we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our thought patterns, and begin to shift our mindset towards a more helpful, accurate and empowering one.
It's important to remember that our feelings do not define us, and that we have the power to choose how we react to them. By approaching our emotions with love and compassion, we can begin to break free from negative self-talk and create a more positive and fulfilling life.
Take a slowed down moment next time you are in the thick of the less helpful self-talk to really practice being with it in a new way. Draw a line across a piece of paper and write 1 at one end and 10 at the other. Then ask yourself, “on a scale of 1 – 10, with 1 being negative self-talk and 10 being champion of self, where would I place my self-talk right now?" Give it a number and mark it on the scale. Then identify the thoughts that are keeping you at that place on the scale and write them down underneath the number. Address each one using this article to guide you.
This simple question and process could be the key to unlocking a more positive and fulfilling life, one where you develop a super loving relationship with yourself and one where you cultivate a new internal narrative.
Remember, you are not your limiting beliefs. You are a complex, multifaceted individual with the ability to grow and change. Don’t be afraid to challenge your mind’s small self-talk and practice patience as you do. It can take time to change our automated thought patterns and beliefs. Simply continue to approach your emotions and beliefs with compassion and curiosity.
In loving service,
L x